Score: 4

"An interesting piece"

submission: Fat PinK Panther

date: November 20, 2009

While I liked the music to start with, the way that it fell apart for me was the morning after scene, where he woke up next to Popeye. I'd have thought that he was at least infatuated with Inspector Clouseau and would have consummated that relationship first.

Perhaps this is the sort of thing that needs more plot initially to get it going - I know that they start off at a rave and as a result, you could have had the Panther snorting a line of coke, downing an E, or injecting with heroin. Judging by the after effects of the anorexia, perhaps heroin would have been the drug of choice.

Yes, we've seen the symbolism of pieces that have been used to make people realise what anorexia or bulimia does to you, so I can sympathise with that part, but you did go a little over the top when you went into the self harm phase. Most people would draw the line at cutting their own guts out.

Still, marks for trying and a great use of some interesting pieces of music.

[Review Request Club]

Score: 10

"Excellent sub-plot"

submission: Madness Combat 5.5

date: November 20, 2009

I love the way that you've woven this story around two seemingly new players in the game that has become Madness. I just had to go back and watch Madness Combat 5 and 6 in order to totally understand this piece from start to finish. I love the way that the time has come to start explaining things along the lines of 'how did this happen?', as I'm sure over the coming episodes, we'll see a much clearer picture of the way tha tthe madness infects us all.

I love the way that you've put the graphics in of things like the people dancing in the one building - it just shows them that there's the most awesome of callbacks to the humble beginnings of this series that has now spiralled out of control of the original intentions... or has it?!

The little details being paid attention to are what really makes me smile here - the two guys patching themselves up as they go through the building and even grabbing a bandanna for their troubles. What next, a dirty vest? :P The way the sky looks like the static on an old TV, combined with the blood red of a Nevada night that has been the backdrop for so long is really a nice touch that I think you're certainly making the most of.

I'm certainly looking forward to seeing where these two get to come back into the main Madness story line. Combat 10, or will we see another chapter of this sub-plot first?

Do these guys have names? Are they as catchy as Hank, Jesus and Clown? I can only wait and see, but I assure you, I really don't want to do that.

Is there any chance that you can make a DVD of all of these episodes together? It's getting to be quite a trial just to find them out amongst your collection of flash submissions. That and I think you deserve some hard earned cash for your efforts with this amazing and long-lived series.

[Review Request Club]

Score: 5

"Too short again"

submission: Red Bull Contrib 1 and 2

date: November 20, 2009

I think that this piece needs more work than your other work, but that's possibly because it's shorter and lacks any real subtlety.

I think that your delivery is basic, to say the least - there's little to no background and the flash itself totals little over 5 seconds long. Perhaps have the main character shaking, from the after effects of the caffeine in his system. Why not have him drop the last Red Bull can when the second guy comes along. Sound effects can be your ally here.

When he goes ape and punches the guy, perhaps put some sort of punch sound effect in, rather than having it done with the vocal talents which are limited by a bad mic. It will come with time, but getting a good plot in place is a good start, especially when you've got the ability to draw reasonably well.

For the drawing, I'd zoom in a little and use a slightly smaller tool, to give you a greater degree of control in your drawings. Taking more time to smooth out the drawings will give you a better looking piece at the end of the day and you'll get more credit if you do it right.

[Review Request Club]

Score: 6

"Too short"

submission: Back Off

date: November 20, 2009

Well, it's a decent animation, but you really do need to work on the following points:

1) Subtitles - you're having the words appear adjacent to the characters that speak them. We can hear them loud and clear, plus the lip sync isn't all that bad. Perhaps try something that makes them look more uniform. I'd suggest the traditional black bar and nice, easily readable typeface that makes the piece look professional.

2) Plot - it's a little short. Some buildup to the scene might be needed, like having the bartender serving another customer, the juke box playing in the background, a few snippets of conversation taking up those big, awkward silences that you've currently got. Then have him approach the guy and ask the question.

3) I'm not sure why you put that Electromagnetism gag in at the end,but it's reasonably funny - it kind of reminds me of Monty Python, with the way that the crosses the fourth wall. Steps like this work, but it would be a nicer setup if it was an easter egg - hide a button somewhere in the flash, which would launch that scene.

I look forward to seeing how your pieces improve.

[Review Request Club]

Score: 6

"O....K...."

submission: Sweet Dreams, Timmy.

date: November 19, 2009

Well, it's certainly one of Newgrounds' more seedy and disturbed cartoons, I'll admit that. I think that you could have done some things differently, like making the animation run more smoothly and perhaps adding hair to the father and son - they look kind of dull and featureless without that, since their eyes are only little white circles.

I think that it could have been done a little differently, especially if you'd have had Timmy do something to extend the piece before the punchline, as opposed to launching straight into the action. Perhaps have the father shout up the stairs to him, asking if he's ready for bed, then as he walks to the door, Timmy is getting into bed "Okay Timmy, it's time for bed." That sort of thing just drags it out a little, as when you start with the question, it just seemed a little rough around the edges, with the quality of the sound. If you did that, you'd have a much more rounded piece to show people.

[Review Request Club]

Score: 6

"Good comedy"

submission: $100 and an Agoraphobic

date: November 17, 2009

Well, that's a piece of claymation that actually grabbed my attention. I've got to say that you can do better with it, but for a first try, you're onto something here!

Perhaps more work could be done with the lip-synching and making sure that the camera stays in the same place for every shot in a scene - something that's particularly prevailent early on, but is seems to clear up towards the end.

I'd suggest that for research purposes, you look up Knox - he was the best stop motion animator in the NG community back in '04 and '05, but he's starting to make a comeback. Notice how he gets away without using lip sync, by making hcaracters without mouths - you could do similar, but perhaps have mounted mouths that get stuck in place with pieces of cocktail sticks, or something, just to add a dab of finesse to the project.

The writing is good stuff and I'd perhaps suggest that you extend it slightly, by getting the two pink dudes to hop into a toy car, or something, so that they can go and get the materials needed, rather than just having a cut-scene which doesn't really involve them moving much and a calculator suddenly appearing, for example.

So at the end of the day, it's a little rough around the edges, but it's a good start. Smooth animation comes with practice. If the models start to disintegrate, perhaps stick them in the fridge for a while and wash your hands, so that there is less oil on them, which makes the clay work easier - you don't need that.

[Review Request Club]

Score: 8

"Enjoyable and complex"

submission: Bubble Blitz

date: November 17, 2009

A fascinating game concept that is reasonably challenging to control, combined with being a great laugh to play for a few minutes. I quite enjoyed the multi-faceted elements of the game that you can play, combined with the way that the varying nasties thrown into play can get you in a mix.

The graphics are great, as you can see the reflections on the surface of the bubble working away, which is a really nice touch. The other graphics are good and the music chosen has certainly got the qualities of sounding "watery" and a slightly annoying repetitiveness to it. Overall, this is a good game and I look forward to seeing what else you can come up with.

I didn't get all the way through it, but after seeing the blowfish, I'd have suggested some sort of shark chasing you could make for a fun level, as you run for your life against it.

[Review Request Club]

Score: 6

"A little short, but not bad."

submission: Master_Light [Box-Killa]

date: November 17, 2009

I think that there are some positives to take away from this piece - the pace is good, almost perfectly synced with the piano, though with the speed that SessileNomad encouraged in some of the parts, you'd be hard pushed to recognise if you were out of time there, I feel.

I'm not too pleased with how short the piece itself is - you'd be much more capable of making a flash that had a duration of closer to 2 minutes. The animation style requires a little more finesse and presentation, because it's just squiggles. I'm not wanting to sound harsh, but that's all you've got there at present. Taking it forward would have some of these squiggles coming together and dancing, forming images that move about the page and give the viewer something amazing to behold.

This next step could be crucial to the development of future projects of yours and I'm confident that you can take this further, with some of SessileNomad's more adventurous pieces, or, dare I say it, your own.

[Review Request Club]

Score: 10

"Perfect!"

submission: I'll Sue Ya!

date: November 16, 2009

Well, we knew it was going to come to Newgrounds sooner or later and you did not disappoint - the video quality may be down slightly from the Lynwood CD, but then that would probably be about 50mb of file, so people would wait an age (relatively) to watch it on here. Perhaps in the future, an HD version will creep on when broadband speeds become good enough to cope with it, who's to say?

The gags in here are brilliant, especially the Tom Morello style guitar, stating "Arm the Lawyers". I love the way that you've portrayed Al himself as the main character in the song and having all of the things in there actually happen to him. The sad thing is, I can actually see some people in this world being dense enough to do something that silly and then try to blame others for their downfall.

It is very clear that you spent an absolute age getting this piece right - the number of fine details that you've paid attention to, such as the cigarette lighters' flames moving independently of the sway (I think you could have made them flicker a little more, but that's probably asking too much of you there!)

Even the credits are tied in nicely with the piece - I was expecting a little polka, or something else of Al's when we got to the end, but you probably would have had to cut something like that for time, or space, which is a shame.

I look forward eagerly to more of your works.

[Review Request Club]

Score: 7

"Not bad, but could do better"

submission: Light_Force [Box-Killa]

date: November 14, 2009

Right, from the start of this piece, I think that you almost hit it, but there were a couple of issues, namely that the introduction 'fell off' the side of the screen, making it look like 'welcom' in the first few frames.

I think that it's a decent start and perhaps you can progress on towards more advanced pieces now, combining two or more colours in each shot, when they do things that make images that are distinctly multi-coloured. I would recommend that you zoom in and use a smaller tool, so that you get more control over the images that you're making.

I'd have suggested more 'firework' style imagery, where a sphere of light heads into the middle of the screen and explodes, with the sparkles getting gradually smaller and fading out as they burn out. Perhaps this could be some sort of explosion, representing more pictures, with the points of light exploding to become lines of images painted on the black background.

Well, that should give you some good inspiration and direction to do your great pieces of music justice with!

[Review Request Club]